'I feel like a "cash cow"': German man feels used as his girlfriend quits stable job for failing business, refuses to send 2 and 4-year old kids to full-time childcare, and pressures him to marry for financial security

Author image for Etai Eshet
Etai Eshet • Editor
Jan 6, 2026 6:00 PM EST

If a relationship hits that point where love starts feeling like an invoice, it's probably time to start rehearsing how you'll break up rather than planning a wedding rehearsal

This couple started out as most do, the early years are all laughter, shared dreams, maybe some shared nightmares over IKEA furniture assembly. Then one day, this guy wakes up, the bills have his name on them, and his partner is asking for long‑term financial security disguised as romance. It's not that marriage is the problem, it's realizing the proposal is being negotiated in the same tone as a loan.  

Most of the time I'm the cynic, but here? With this story? Call me a romantic or call me naive, but this one's unacceptable to me. If you unknowingly move from a loving partnership to one sided financial support system, you can sign me out. And that's exactly what makes this one especially bleak: how normal it sounds. A man supports his partner's dream, she chases it, it flops, and the resentment starts seeping in like mold. The language she uses is spiritual, but the structure is corporate, investing other people's stability into something that was supposed to be freeing. It's capitalism dressed as self‑actualization, and he's footing the bill. 

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  • Couple at a kitchen table with a laptop, man gesturing with raised hands as woman holds a credit card during a serious conversation.
    via Drazen Zigic

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • She keeps the kids in a half‑day program, complains she can’t get enough done, and then blames him for not helping more. It’s the kind of circular logic that passes for modern relationship strategy. He can’t rest because she can’t work, and she can’t work because he’s working. A perfect little hamster wheel powered by guilt and overdue childcare forms.  The intimacy drought just ties the economy together. Once someone feels like the provider instead of the partner, the temperature drops. You can almost hear the therapist softly suggesting “communication” while everyone quietly admits that the real issue is burnout. 


     

  • I (M35) feel like a "cash cow" for my GF (F38). She quit her job, refuses full-time childcare, demands marriage for security, and withdrew intimacy.

    I need an outside perspective because my resentment is hitting a breaking point. We have been together for 6 years and have two toddlers (2 and 4).
    via Fraxial

  • Maybe they’ll fix it, maybe they won’t, but it’s a great snapshot of modern domestic economics — love turned logistical, affection turned transactional, two adults fighting to stay human while their relationship slowly turns into payroll.

  • We are in Germany so it is not so unusual to not be married. The Financial/Career Issue: My girlfriend used to have a secure, high-paying state job.
    via Fraxial
  • She decided to quit to open a "hobby shop" focused on coaching and spirituality. I supported her, but it is not working out well.
    via Fraxial
  • The business is failing to gain traction. I thought she will be happy with that since it was her dream, but instead she is stressed and angry.
    via Fraxial
  • Couple at a kitchen table with a laptop, man holding a card and raising one hand during a serious conversation.
    via Drazen Zigic

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • I am currently covering us financially, but we are at a point where our lifestyle needs to downgrade significantly to make this work.
    via Fraxial
  • The Childcare Conflict: Despite her business struggling and needing more time to develop it, she refuses to send our kids to a standard kindergarten with normal hours.
    via Fraxial
  • Instead, she insisted on a private one that closes at 2:00 PM. This creates a cycle: She says she can't work enough to fix her business because the kids are home by early afternoon.
    via Fraxial
  • Then, she blames me for not doing "50/50" childcare, even though I work a full-time job to support us.
    via Fraxial
  • She claims she does much more than me, but I take over immediately after work. I feel I am burning the candle at both ends.
    via Fraxial
  • Man and woman discussing finances at home, woman holding a credit card beside a laptop.
    via True Touch Lifestyle

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • The Marriage Pressure: Suddenly, she is pressuring me to get married. She openly admits she is realizing she is not financially secure for the future because of her career pivot, and she wants the security of marriage.
    via Fraxial
  • It feels like a transaction, not a romantic progression. She wants me to be "grateful" for the situation, but I feel trapped.
    via Fraxial
  • The Intimacy Issue: On top of the financial and logistical stress, our intimacy is non- existent. Since our second child was born, we have had sex twice in the last year.
    via Fraxial
  • I feel she isn't attracted to me anymore and simply views me as a provider/utility to fund her lifestyle choices.
    via Fraxial
  • I feel used, entitled, and unappreciated. I'm hesitant to marry someone when the relationship feels so unbalanced.
    via Fraxial
  • Has anyone dealt with a partner who sabotages their own work time (the 2 PM pickup) but blames you for the lack of support?
    via Fraxial
  • We are seeing a couple therapist. It helps a bit but I have the feeling I can't really carry the unbalance of the relationship.
    via Fraxial
  • The therapist seems to believe I am the typical "only work" guy even though I cook 95% of all dinners, do the grosseries, and take care of the kids as much as possible.
    via Fraxial
  • Thank you. TL;DR: GF quit high-paying job for a failing hobby business. She insists on partial childcare (2 PM pickup) then complains she can't work and that I don't do 50/50.
    via Fraxial
  • She now demands marriage for financial security, while our sex life is dead. I feel used.
    via Fraxial
  • Update\_1: Thanks for the support and all the comments. Unfortunately I tried to set some boundary yesterday regarding the childcare situation and she left furiously with the kids for her mom's house.
    via Fraxial

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